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You Gotta Love the Yankees

By Vito from New Jersey

This is a message from my “friend” Vito from New Jersey, who is a big Yankee fan. He told me to send it to as many Boston fans as possible. So here ya go… (Be sure to read the full disclaimer below)

Well it’s October, and that means it’s time to start watching baseball— the sport of da kings, and da kings are America’s Champions, the New York Yaknees. I am all about my Yankees and so are you, unless you are just jealous of us.

The New York Yankees: you gotta love ‘em. Seriously. There really is no real logical reason to not like the Yankees. I know up in Boston a lot of you people are jealous of us and all our success. That’s how it always is, Boston is jealous of New York in every way. You can tell it’s true because whenever I tell people from Boston how they’re jealous of us, they get all mad. That’s proof right there that they know it’s true.

But even you Boston people have to admit that this year’s Yaknee squad is the best in the game. 103 wins, a sweep of the team we played in the first round, and virtually another sweep of the team we’re playing in the second round, and then the unstoppible sweep of the World Series. Yet some people don’t even like this super team of super stars.

Personally I am all about the BEST things. The best food, the best women, the best car, the best replica jersey, the best cigars, the best bank account, the best mustache, you name it. Those are all things that I will have some day. So why would I settle for any less in my baseball team? I wouldn’t, that’s why.

Look at Derrick Jeter. If you know anything about sports then you know that the man is the biggest champion in history. The Captain. His leader ship rubs off onto all the other players and inspires them and makes them play better. He has the calm eyes and the elegant gait of a true champion, and the specialness of a hero. He is probably the most underrated player in the game, and never gets any love from the announcers. How many championships does he have to win before he finally gets his do? He saved New York after 911 with his home run that won the World Series, but you never read about that in the papers or on the Espnn.com. Why is that? One word: jealousy.

But the Yankees are more than just Derrick the Great. Don’t forget about Arod Rodriguez, the former “choker” who has followed Derrick’s leadership and has finally become a star now that he has arrived in New York. Arod was always a big slugger who could never win the big one and always choked. But now that hes finally let Derrick take him onto his wing he is finally hitting clutch homers every time you turn around. Arod has beome a True Yankee, thanks to the Great Derrick. That is leadership ladies and gentleman.

But wait there’s more! Ha-ha. The Yankees have always been willing to flash the cash to aquire the best and we did it again this year. Mr. CC Sebathia is the latest purchase, and he is the gold stander of pitchers. He’s a big man with a big pay check but that’s okay because New York is always about being bigger then life. The Yankees are going to ride the pitching of this big man to ANOTHER championship, which will be the 27th of our ellustrious rein. That is like almost 15 times as many championships as Boston. Wow no wonder your all so jealous of us.

Speaking of new super star aquistions there is “Big Tex” the new first basemen with the name no one can spell! But they’d better spell it right on that World Series trophy! Tex is a big game guy and lead the league in home runs this year. Home runs are what it’s all about. By definitions, nothing a hitter can do is better then that. So the best home run hitter is the best hitter period. And that hitter is Big Texsharia!

Do you think I’m done yet. Because I’m not. I’m just getting started. There isn’t even time in the world to tell you all about stars like the next Rob Carew Mr. Robinson Canoe. (They even rhyme!) Or Clutch man Johnnie Damon who the Red Sox blundered and let get away. Johnnie is a winner and wanted to go to a winning team, so where did he end up? New York of course, winner town, where players go to get the “rings.”

Don’t sleep on Meriano! Only the best reliefer ever to play. He comes into the game, it’s over brother. Name a better pitcher. No you can’t. Pitching is the name of the game and that’s what Merianio does best.

Not to mention the young Guns Jabba Chamberlin and Phil Huges, the hard throwers who strike out the side. And of course Mr. Clutch Winner Andy Petitt still an Ace after all these years. And championships.

Plus we have the young Gun Milky Cabrera in center field. Smooth as Milk they say. That is a team that is loaded. In a good way!

And Jorge Pasada!

Those are the facts. You can’t argue with facts, but the jealous haters always try. Instead of always hating on our success why don’t you finally get with the winning team? I honestly don’t get what you Boston people get out of cheering for loosers. It must be some kind of weird thing that you like loosing. Well not me. I like winning! It is the best! Better then loosing.

Like I proved above, I am all about the best, and that means a CHAMPION SHIP team. I won’t accept any less. That’s why the Yankees are my team. There is no logical reason to root for any other team. Don’t you like to WIN?

See the basic fact is that the Yankees are like a test. If you like us, it proves you’re a winner. If you hate us, it proves you’re a looser. Its October now and that’s OUR month. So now its time to stand up and be a winner for once in your life and cheer us on as we sweep the World Series. AGAIN. Or stay a looser.

The choice is yours.

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Tags: Derrick Jeter, satire, Yankees 2009 World Champions