|Patriots 2014-15 Position Review: Linebacker||Lackluster Trio of Games Makes Bruins Playoff Chances Uncertain||Swihart, Rodriguez Assigned to Triple-A Pawtucket Roster||Video: Marcus Smart Uppercuts Matt Bonner in Low Blow|
Julius Caesar. Nefertiti. Hippocrates. Napoleon Bonaparte. George Washington. Martin Luther King. And…Marquis Daniels. These great and accomplished human beings have many similarities. Leadership, guile, artistry, determination and a high intelligent quotient all come to mind. But save for one, these famous historical figures were never able to average 9.3 PPG and 3.1 rebounds over the course of their distinguished careers. That’s why Marquis Daniels rightfully thought that come time to have his bust sculpted, he would not settle for the normal medium of marble or bronze. Oh, no my friends, a man who is shooting 27% from 3-point range this season deserves to have his likeness preserved for all eternity in a material fit for the Gods. That’s why Marquis had a reproduction of his head covered in diamonds. (VIDEO AFTER THE JUMP)
While the people of Sierra Leone might be pissed to see this is how all their hard work is being put to use, I was simply giddy when I first saw this video. Is this ostentatious? Pointless? A waste of money? Head scratching? Yes, yes, yes and more yes. But do I love it? Oh, hell yes. Watch it again. Did you see the beginning? They literally took a scan of his entire head. That means, at some point in time, Marquis had to make an appointment with Jason of Beverly Hills and go in to have his head scanned. I immediately conjured up this scenario in my own, non-jewel encrusted cranium:
“Sorry, I’m can’t make it this weekend, gotta fly out the LA to have my head scanned.”
“Oh man, you OK Marquis? You have a concussion or some head trauma that they gotta look at?”
“Ah hell no, I’m getting my dome scanned so they can make a diamond medallion out of it!”
And it wasn’t just enough to have his hair pattern molded into, they had to meticulously solder on a crap-load of little chains to replicate his dreadlocks. And add on diamond earrings. Priceless, eff’ing priceless. Marquis Daniels, you took this to the next level. You could have simply gone to an old standby like a diamond medallion with your number, initials, home state, the Cadillac emblem or some unoriginal piece of jewelry that these hacks are toting around these days. But you didn’t. You knew that the only deserving item to be hanging from your head was a smaller and ridiculously expensive version of your head. And for that Mr. Daniels, I salute you.
The only thing that bothered me about this video was one lingering question it left me with–why don’t we see more of this? Marquis Daniels is a bench player and just had his own bust bedazzled. What are Paul Pierce and KG doing? Do they just not want us to know the crazy ass crap they do with all their money? Are they afraid of the backlash they’d receive for spending wildly while others in this economy are struggling to get by?
If that’s the problem guys, well don’t worry. We’re poor, you’re rich. We all know it. It’s no secret you have tons of cash, so start acting like it. I want to see Rajon Rando pull up to practice in a DeLorean decked out like the time machine in Back to the Future, flux capacitor and all. I want to see KG doing an interview in the locker room wearing seal skin boxers and a hat made of rare eagles feathers. That’s what I’d do. That’s the whole point of having fistful of dollars–so you can buy stupid ass crap you’d never be able to afford otherwise. And if you don’t do that, well, the terrorists win and you don’t support the troops. So come on rich athletes, man up and start blowing through some of that money, like Marquis Daniels, a true American patriot and a figure of greatness that will be remembered in the history books as a man deserving of a diamond decorated bust.