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With the loss of Jason Bay to free agency, the Red Sox thought first about turning to defense. They signed Mike Cameron to patrol center field, moved Jacoby Ellsbury to left field, and signed Adrian Beltre to play third to build one of the best defensive clubs in years. The formula was simple: pitch better, defend better, allow fewer runs.
Then, Theo Epstein realized how ridiculous that sounds. It’s a game of balance with good pitching, good defense, and good hitting. Without Bay and presumable Mike Lowell, the Red Sox were going to be starved for power this season…that is until Theo made the call to bring back a Red Sox legend.
“I just realized that you can’t win ballgames unless you score runs, and we won’t score many runs without this move,” Epstein allegedly said.
The Sox have “officially” (wink, wink) signed former first baseman Mo Vaughn to bring a much-needed jolt to the middle of the batting order.
Vaughn, 42, brings a career .293 batting average with 328 home runs to an offense desperately needing power. Despite the fact he hasn’t played in a major league game since 2003 (his last year with the Mets), Big Mo isn’t worried.
“Man, I was sick and tired of sitting around at home. You can make money as a business man in the real world, but let’s face it, there’s mo’ money to be had in baseball,” Vaughn allegedly said.
Vaughn last played in Boston more 12 years ago in 1998, when he hit .337 with 40 home runs and 115 RBI. He won the MVP with the Red Sox in 1995, clubbing 39 home runs in just 140 games (strike-shortened season) to lead the Red Sox to the AL East title.
Mo isn’t worried about the skeptics.
“Skeptics? People doubt I can still play? Screw them man, I’m getting a hot dog,” Vaughn allegedly said.
Epstein expects Vaughn to challenge David Ortiz for playing time as the designated hitter.
“I walked into the clubhouse and did a double-take when I saw Mo talking to David,” Epstein allegedly said. “They really do look alike.”
Clearly, this isn’t true. If I had you going at any point, then great! But let’s face it…can you really imagine the Sox signing a 42-year-old Mo? APRIL FOOLS!!!