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Kiss The Season Goodbye; The Red Sox Have

Clay Buchholz, congratulations; your pitching is not smarter than a 5th grader's. (Elsa / Getty Immages)

The Yankees won 14-3; what do you expect me to say? That’s a 24-6 loss over two days. Back under .500 again, the Red Sox (or Red Sux, depending on how angry you are) are going to screw up this season, and I for one won’t mind. There’s a lot of nauseating futility to go over here, so let’s get right to it:

1st Inning:

Derek Jeter and Brett Gardner led off with singles, but a double play from Mark Teixeira helped Clay Buchholz escape unscathed.

2nd Inning:

Kevin Youkilis and Mike Lowell led off with singles, but a double play from Adrian Beltre got C.C. Sabathia out of it.

3rd Inning:

Yankees alternate Ramiro Pena doubled and Jeter walked. Singles by Teixeira and A-Rod drove in runs before Robinson Cano was gracious enough to ground into a double play.

Darnell McDonald homered over the Green Monster, and after Dustin Pedroia was hit by a pitch in retaliation for the night before, Victor Martinez did his best Darnell McDonald impression to give the Sox the lead.

4th Inning:

Nick Swisher walked and Randy Winn reached on a throwing error by, who else? Adrian Beltre. Both runners advanced another base on the throw. Other Yankees alternate Francisco Cervelli singled in a run, with Winn out trying to score himself. Buchholz threw a ball at Jeter’s head, nearly hitting him before inducing a groundout.

5th Inning:

Teixeira homered, and after a combination of singles and walks loaded the bases, Cervelli drove in another run, and Winn was out running the bases again, but this time stayed in the rundown long enough for a second run to score on the play.

With two outs and a 2-2 count to Victor Martinez, a rain delay was called.

Rain Delay:

The Phillies lost to the Braves 4-1 at home. After 1:14 worth of delay, the Sox moved from Fox to FX.

5th Inning (Cont:)

Sabathia’s mojo was thrown off by the long wait, and was replaced by Alfredo Aceves. To paraphrase the Soup Nazi, “NO WIN FOR YOU!!!”

6th Inning:

Two singles did nothing for the Red Sox. Aceves (back) leaves in the middle of Jeremy Hermida’s at bat after awkwardly landing when completing a pitch.

7th Inning:

Teixeira homered. Alex Rodriguez singled, stole 2nd, and scored on a single. After giving up the homer, Ramon Ramirez (arm) left the game after doing some unknown thing wrong to injure himself.

Two more singles did nothing for Boston.

8th Inning:

Singles and walks loaded the bases for New York with two outs. Nick Swisher scored two with a single, Randy Winn walked, and Francisco Cervelli (this guy again?) plated two more with a single. The Yankees batted around.

9th Inning:

Jonathan Van Every, an outfielder, took the mound (Nick Green, anyone?) Van Every gave up a double (Jeter) and a two-run home run (Teixeira) with a strikeout (Gardner) in between.

Sox Stud of the Game: No One

So what about the homers? Victor Martinez nearly threw it away in the 1st, which he would have if Pedroia wasn’t covering behind 1st base.

Sox Dud of the Game: All

Pitching especially, but the team was just *bleck* all around.

That’s What He Said:

“And I guess the plural of dove is doves. Maybe not. Maybe it’s one of them trick words. Maybe it’s dove. I think it’s dove. Tell those dove to keep their heads still.” – Fox annoucer Tim McCarver arguing with himself after some doves were spotting pecking the ground on the warning track in front of the left field pole.

Game Notes:

W: Alfredo Aceves (3-0), by scorer’s decision
L: Clay Buchholz (3-3)

  • The Yankees stole two bases and weren’t caught. Red Sox catching has now caught just nine stealers out of 53 attempts (16.98%).
  • Mark Teixeira homered thrice on the day. The last Yankee to do that was A-Rod on 4/26/2005 against the Angels. The last (and only other) Yankee to do it against the Red Sox was the incomparable Lou Gehrig on 06/23/1927.
  • Teixeira only had two homers all season previously.
  • Beltre committed his 7th error on the season. For comparison, he has only gone deep twice.
  • Buchholz, for better or worse, has gotten a decision in each of his six games this year.
  • Van Every also pitched an inning for the Red Sox in 2009, but got his first strikeout and surrendered his first home run this time around.
  • During the course of the game, the Fox announcers in Philadelphia debated on whether or not their game counted as bonus coverage for Sox/Yankees viewers. The FX announcers told viewers hoping to watch the movie “Maid in Manhattan” that they were out of luck, debated on whether the plural of “dove” was “dove” or “doves” after seeing some birds in the corner in left field that they thought were pigeons but soon realized were doves, and used Prince’s “When Doves Cry” as a reference for the previous debate (it’s “doves”).

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