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Texts from Theo: The Mike Lowell Situation Part II

Theo on the phone (Photo from bostondirtdogs.com)

With Daisuke Matsuzaka returning to his role of pitching behind in the count and making it insufferable to watch a Red Sox game, space had to be opened up on the 25-man roster—space made by placing the scarcely used Mike Lowell on the 15-day DL with “hip problems.”

Of course no one really thinks Lowell’s hip is bothering him and that this move is just another act in the season long saga of overt displays of passive aggression between Sox management and the displaced third baseman. And while the media speculates about the cantankerous relationship between Lowell and the Sox, I’ve decided once again to get to the story at its source. Much like when I “hacked” Lowell’s and Theo’s email accounts earlier this year, I was able to “get” the transcripts from their recent texts, which covered just this very topic. Read and enjoy.

From Theo:

Congrats Lowell. Ur on the DL!

From Mike:

WTF? Are you serious?

From Theo:

HAHA. LOLZ. JK. ;)

From Theo:

But for realz. U R going on the DL.

From Mike:

But I’m not hurt.

From Theo:

Sure bout dat? U took ur sweet ass time running to 1st tuesday nite. D-Hale clocked you with a sun dial son.

From Theo:

Haha ‘sun dial son’ that totally rhymes.

From Mike:

That’s not really a rhyme, those words are just homophones. And why am I going on the DL?

From Theo:

Need to make room for Dice-K. So sayanora man. Ha JK, well sayanora for 15 days at least

From Mike:

This is asinine. You won’t be able to trade me if I’m on the DL. Don’t you want teams to know I’m healthy?

From Theo:

ROFLMFAO! dude I couldn’t trade you if I threw in a life time supply of bj’s from jessica alba. ur 2 for ur last 27. ur batting like .213 this year, which is cool cuz its also ur age. JK.

From Mike:

Christ for the last time, I’m younger than you are. And maybe if I got some playing time I could get into a rhythm. I’ve only got like 6 starts in the past month.

From Theo:

Ya, well dude u’ve been hurt  ; = }

From Mike:

I’m not f’ing hurt!! My hip is fine! I can play! What if Youk gets hurt? What if Beltre gets hurt?

From Theo:

beltre doesn’t get hurt, he just hurts other players. LOL. JK???? 8 > )

From Mike:

Theo, it doesn’t seem like I have any discernible use to this team.

From Theo:

O dude don’t JK bout that kinda stuff. U totally have a use. I see u in the dugout givin hi 5’s. and u gots a boss mustache. no1 can grow a ‘stache on just the lower 3rd of his lip like the lowell-ster can.

From Mike:

That’s not really what had in mind. Do you forget that I was your World Series MVP a few years back?

From Theo:

Ya and a few years back George Dubs was president, what of it?

From Mike:

That doesn’t even make sense. So you’re just going to let me rot on the bench and pay me $12 millon?

From Theo:

Yup pretty much. so y u complaining big guy? It’s like being on rich guy welfare—you get paid stacks for doing nothin. Ask jd drew and dice-k, they loves it.

From Mike:

It’s not about the money. I want to play! I want to play baseball! This is my career and passion you’re messing with. Why not just release me!

From Theo:

Wow dude. not cool. Not cool at all. Don’t even JK bout stuff like that. :’(

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