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Off we go on a holiday weekend edition of “The Couch Potato Report,” C.P.R. for your sports-lovin’ heart.
Now, the Fourth of July is meant for many things. Fireworks. Cookouts. Freedom. Flags. But unfortunately, watching TV really isn’t something that people look forward to doing on Independence Day. As much of a TV junkie as I am, I too will likely spend very little time in front of the television this weekend.
That being said, those of us who won’t be spending time on the couch in front of the tube this weekend will be missing out on a pretty fun-filled sports lineup for our viewing pleasure. From the diamond to the octagon, and the courts to the courses, sporting action can be found up and down the dial, all day and all night.
So let me now do what I do best: march on with this weekend’s TV highlights. Happy 4th everyone…be safe out there!
Friday & Saturday at 7:10pm, Sunday at 1:35pm, all on NESN
Quietly, while most of us were focused on B’s and C’s playoff runs, the Sox have gone on an impressive run of their own, now sitting just 1 1/2 games back of the first place Yankees. The Sox are achieving all this greatness with the likes of Daniel Nava, Darnell McDonald, and now, newly re-acquired catcher Kevin Cash, who rejoined the team Friday to fill in behind the plate for the injured Victor Martinez and Jason Varitek. What, were Rich Gedman and Bill Haselman busy this weekend? Anyways, tune in to watch the no-name Sox beat up on the league’s worst team, the Baltimore Orioles. Should be some fireworks, as the Sox tee off on that dreadful Baltimore pitching staff.
Friday at 10:00am and 2:30pm on ESPN; Saturday at 10:00am and 2:30pm on ABC
In the tournament that just won’t end, soccer remains on center stage around the world, as the 2010 World Cup tournament in South Africa reaches the quarterfinal stages. Friday, watch as the Netherlands square off against the favorites, Brazil, followed by Uruguay taking on Ghana, the team that squeaked by the U.S. last weekend (the Netherlands and Uruguay emerged victorious). Saturday, Germany and Argentina headline the day’s match-ups, with the under-card featuring Spain taking on Paraguay. Four games, hmm… I’m gonna bet we see, hmm… maybe seven total goals this weekend? Call me crazy, but I think I’ll go paint my bedroom and watch it dry instead.
Saturday at 10pm on Pay Per View
UFC is still greatly popular, especially among men 18 to 35, and especially men 18 to 35 who have a minimum of 12 tattoos and wear nothing but Ed Hardy gear. Saturday night’s fight card at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas is headlined by an undisputed heavyweight bout, featuring big name fighter Brock Lesnar going up against undefeated Shane Corwin. So fork over the $60 to your friendly neighborhood cable company and enjoy the show, I’m sure it’ll be well worth your money… OK, I don’t think it’ll be worth your money at all, sorry for trying to act convincing. I just haven’t jumped on the UFC bandwagon yet, and frankly, I don’t intend to.
Saturday at 1pm on Golf Channel; 3pm on CBS
Sunday at 12pm on Golf Channel; 2pm on CBS
Because you’re not an American who should be out celebrating the birth of your country instead, gosh darn it! Listen, for you die hard golf-heads out there, grab a burger or dog off the grill and tune in for third and fourth round coverage of the AT&T National, where hopefully Tiger Woods, fresh off a reported divorce settlement that’s going to cost him oh, about $100 bazillion dollars, hopes to defend his title and get back to the winners’ circle. Or, forget that this is even on, and jump in the pool and play a good ol’ fashioned game of “Marco Polo” with your family. Now that’s a better idea! Love me some Marco Polo!
Saturday & Sunday at 9am on NBC
Nothing says “I love the USA” like getting up early on a holiday weekend and watching a tennis tournament that’s being played in England, right? Right? Ok, definitely not… but if the ringing in your ears from the fireworks keeps you up all weekend long, tune in Saturday or Sunday morning to watch a little rubber ball be batted back and forth for hours on end. Saturday features the finals for women’s singles, women’s doubles, and men’s doubles, with Sunday’s action including the men’s final and the mixed doubles final. If that doesn’t put a firecracker in your pants, I don’t know what will!
Sunday at noon on ESPN
Now THIS is a true American tradition. Join fat Americans everywhere as we all tune in to watch the greatest competitive eaters in the world duke it out at Coney Island in New York, for the title of Hot Dog Eating Champion. It’s the fastest 12 minutes in all of sports, as famous names like Joey Chestnut, Tim “Eater X” Janus, and the man simply known as Kobayashi, fill their faces with as many hot dogs as possible, in front of thousands of adoring fans. Rumors abound that Kobayashi, who owned this competition for years, will opt out of this year’s event, but three-time defending champion Joey Chestnut still provides plenty of reasons why you should tune in for what promises to be greatness in glutony.