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Fantasy Football Report: Week 9

Matthew Stafford

It has always been a personal policy of mine to be 100% honest with the readers. This week’s report will be short (like Brett Favre’s penis…are we still doing these jokes?) because as of 5:09pm today, I own Call of Duty: Black Ops. So yes, I need to dedicate a good portion of my night to this game, but not before I brief you on what happened in Week 9.

Injury Bug

  • Well, we are once again in familiar territory with Lions QB Matthew Stafford. Now you can play along with this one. This past Sunday, Stafford…A) Threw 5 TD passes…B) Kicked a Field Goal…or C) Suffered a shoulder injury. If you guessed “C”, then congratulations because Stafford will miss several weeks with the injury. Grab Drew Stanton if you can because Shaun Hill is still recovering from a broken arm.
  • WR Austin Collie was this week’s victim of a vicious hit as he suffered a concussion at the hands of the Eagles. He was down on the field for several minutes, but reportedly was sitting up and carrying a conversation in the locker room.
  • Uhhhhh, the Panthers suck! Matt Moore just went on the IR and both of their stud running backs (DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart) have been heavily injured this season. Just abandon ship while you can.

Who’s Making Noise?

  • God bless those Chargers, they just won’t stop trying. This week’s “Hey, that’s not Antonio Gates” receiver was the unpronounceable Seyi Ajirotutu. Yeah, say that five times fast. Hell, say it one time at normal speed. Anyway, 4 catches, 111 yds, 2 TD.
  • The Raiders are surprising everyone this season, especiall us here in New England because we expected a top-5 pick in next year’s draft. Another young receiver had a big day and this time it was Jacoby Ford, who didn’t find the endzone, but had 6 catches for 148 yds.
  • Lions receiver Calvin Johnson had to deal with Darrelle Revis on Sunday, so that opened the door for Nate Burleson and he made the best of it with 7 receptions for 113 yds and a score.

Big Busts

  • I think Matt Schaub has been here more times that he should be, but hey, when you throw for 266 yds with 0 TD and a pick, you deserve to end up in the loser’s section.
  • Ben Roethlisberger is making progress, he made it through another week without sexually assaulting someone. Unfortunately, it resulted in only 163 yds, 1 TD, and 1 INT. If it means we save a young lady from years of psychological damage, then we can live with the crappy stat line.
  • I think being in Miami is finally catching up to Brandon Marshall, who caught 5 passes for a season low 30 yds. This makes three straight weeks of 5 receptions or less with no 100-yd game since Week 6, and he only has 1 TD on the season.

The Final Word on Week 9: The Wes Welker We Knew is Long Gone

We already know it here in New England, but it is time for the fantasy community to come to grips with the reality of the situation. It is time to either bench Wes Welker in your league, or cut him loose.

Mr. 110+ receptions is gone. In his place is the slot receiver without Randy Moss to spread the field, in his place are two rookie tight ends getting all of Tom Brady’s attention, and in his place is just another short, white receiver with good hands and no big play ability.

Moss made Welker a god and now with no Moss, we have lost our great white hope in Welker. Cut him loose!

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