|Hanley Moving to First! Red Sox Defense is Saved!||Connelly’s Top Ten: Patriots 3rd Game, Trades, 9/11 Fallout||Miracles Do Happen! Porcello, Tazawa Outduel Sale, White Sox in Red Sox Shutout||Red Sox Nation Loses with Departure of Don Orsillo|
What we learned the week of January 20-27:
1. Tim Thomas hates the federal government. Not sure why anyone finds this surprising– he sounds just like every other middle-aged, multimillionaire white guy in the country.
2. Most Patriots fans suddenly discovered that there was a guy named Sterling Moore playing for their team. Now that he has saved the whole season, maybe he’ll become almost as much of a Patriots household name as Chad “15 Catches All Year” Ochocinco.
3. The Super Bowl will be the rematch that no one south of New Jersey wanted to see. If he can beat the Patriots in the big game again, will Eli Manning finally become as hated in Boston as his big brother?
4. The big move for the Red Sox this week was to trade their starting shortstop to save enough money to sign a part-time outfielder. That strategy fits in with their other moves this year: trading young position players for relievers, and collecting horrible pitchers who couldn’t cut it in the weaker-hitting National League. If they make another horrible rap video before this season, what will the theme be? That the owners avoided paying the luxury tax? Hooray, we’re all in for that, baby!
6. There will probably be more Greg Stiemsma replica t-shirts sold in Boston this year than there will be shirts featuring any of the Red Sox offseason acquisitions. Unless you know people stocking up on Nick Punto and Carlos Silva jerseys.