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The Bill Simmons Face, the Luck of the Irish, Mallory Edens, and Other Thoughts on the NBA Draft Lottery

The NBA Draft Lottery was Tuesday night, and it sure didn’t disappoint.

Well, unless you’re a Celtics fan, after Boston ended up with the #6 pick in spite of a 33% chance of landing in the top three. Just ask Bill Simmons:

But nonetheless, despite the disappointment, the lottery provided plenty in the way of entertainment, especially if you’re a Cleveland Cavaliers fan. That’s as good a segue as you’re gonna get, so we might as well dive in, starting with the Cavs landing the top overall pick for the third time in four years:

Cleveland Rocks

  • Does Cleveland really get a mulligan after whiffing on Anthony Bennet with the top pick last year? Or does landing the top pick in a loaded draft (or not, if you’re a Danny Ainge subscriber) — and thereby securing their choice of Joel Embiid, Andrew Wiggins, or Jabari Parker — mean that they nailed the Bennet selection? I’m confused.
  • Does three #1 overall selections in just four years mean God no longer hates Cleveland? One would think so, but Kyrie Irving is now embroiled in controversy, then they ended up with Anthony Bennet somehow, and now they’ll probably take Embiid only for him to be waylaid by a balky back while Wiggins and Parker become perennial All-Stars. Now He’s just toying with them.
  • Poor Mike Brown. (Wait, two teams are paying him to not coach? Never mind.)
  • Shouldn’t the Cavaliers forfeit this year’s pick after declaring so emphatically that we would not see them back here this year? I’m pretty sure I read that bylaw somewhere in the CBA.

Luck of the Irish

  • So much for that tie Red Auerbach gave Celtics co-owner Steve Pagliuca, as summed up quite nicely by his blank stare, then a nearly imperceptible nod of his head as if to say, “Well, s—”:

  • In a radio interview on Wednesday, Wyc Grousbeck said Danny Ainge likes six players in this draft (super convenient, right?). Still, after the Celtics didn’t vault into the top three – if that scenario had played out, I was torn whether the Celtics should keep or trade such a pick — all I’ve been able to wonder is, Is the sixth pick high enough to land Kevin Love?  (As part of a package, of course.) Time will tell.

 Around the League

  • Poor Dell Demps, having to show up for the Draft Lottery on the slim chance his Pelicans got to keep its pick. They should have just sent their original abomination of a mascot instead.
  • What was it with NBA owners propping their children up behind a podium for the NBA Draft Lottery? Is that such an exciting honor to be the face who sits there for a lame game of Memory? I can’t complain too much though, because…
  • …Mallory Edens, obviously. I could write more, but let’s just say I’m not sure why her parents decided it was a good idea to parade their 18-year-old daughter in front of millions of viewers looking to create memes like this:
  • It was so Kings-like of Sacramento that their own representative, Anjali Ranadive, daughter of Kings owner Vivek Ranadive, was completely overshadowed by Edens.
  • Still, neither of the ladies held a candle to the Jazz owner’s son, Bryan Williams. He stole my heart — and leapfrogged NBC’s Brian Williams to take the top spot of my Bryan Williams Power Rankings — the moment he clicked his pen and started using his podium to write something down after the Jazz got pick #5. This begs the question: what could he possibly be writing? Was he taking shorthand notes — “Jazz – #5″ — as if the Internet doesn’t exist and that was the only way the Jazz franchise would remember what pick they ended up with? Does he have the Jonah Hill syndrome from Superbad, where he compulsively draws penises? I’ll have to ask Mallory Edens when I become follower #20,001.

About Nick Bohlen - @ndbohlen

Nick is an editor and regular contributor for the Patriots, Celtics, and Red Sox sections of SoB. (Despite growing up in Vermont, just a short drive from Canada, hockey never really caught on with him.) Follow him on twitter: @ndbohlen

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