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I just read and laughed through Bill Simmons’ latest piece. He attempts to break down the MVP race, from player No. 420 all the way down to No.1. This article was about players #420 – #48…and below are my favorites from the bunch:
271. Yi Jianlian
If you’re a Celtics fan, it’s officially time to re-read my column from May 23, 2007, factor in the tidbit that the Chairman is three years old than his listed age of 20, check out the decline in his monthly splits, remember the Celtics would have taken him had Seattle not agreed to trade Ray Allen, take a long look at Boston’s place in the 2007-08 NBA standings, then spend the next 15 to 45 minutes doing Tiger fist pumps.
217. Ben Wallace
You know the wheels have come off when his name can be used as a descriptive sports noun. For example …
Friend No. 1: “Holy crap, I can’t believe how bad David Ortiz looks right now.”
Friend No. 2: “I know, I hope it’s just a slump and he isn’t going Ben Wallace on us.”
145. Tyree Ricardo Davis
After playing such a pivotal role for the Tankapalooza All-Stars in Miami, Ricky has a rare chance to become one of the biggest losers in the history of sports. Some relevant stats for you: He has played in 661 career regular-season games but only 10 career playoff games; he has been traded five times; his teams from 2001-2008 finished a combined 175 games under .500; he has played for a 17-win team and a 14-win team…
85. Vince Carter
I mailed in this paragraph in his honor.