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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
The Associated Playas, the planet’s largest organization of pimps and playas – as well as nymphos and maneaters, since the recent Supreme Court decision – is proud to offer its Playa of the Year award to none other than Tiger Woods, whose masterful swinging of the wood has inspired us all to reach greater heights of playa-hood.
This playa, freak hos and gentlemen, has style. Woods successfully kept his expert playing of the field on the DL for years, maintaining his sterling public image – and maximizing the size of the field in which he could sow his wild oats.
And sow he did. The width and breadth of fly honeys through which Woods went like a sex-crazed harpoon through the side of a smokin’ hot whale is both impressive and becomes still more impressive every day.
The truly inspirational extent to which this playa got around offers a brilliant beacon for all playadom to emulate: We must, in the future, endeavor to reach the lofty standards set by Woods and enjoy the pleasures that he has shown us how to achieve.
MEDIA CONTACT: Slickback Robinson, 212-555-8492
ALL OTHERS, INCLUDING CNN HOTTIE CAMPBELL BROWN: Let me give you my private number, baby…