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Red Sox Nation Buys Naming Rights to New Yankee Stadium

Yankee Stadium, soon to be renamed A.H.O.L.E. Stadium?

A consortium of celebrity Boston Red Sox fans today announced that they have purchased the naming rights to Yankee Stadium, and might change the name to A.H.O.L.E. Stadium.

The group, led by Red Sox owner John Henry and celebrity fans such as Ben Affleck and Denis Leary, among others, made an anonymous bid of over $100 million per season.

Yankees owner George Steinbrenner accepted the bid, reportedly without realizing that it was from the Red Sox fan organization. According to unnamed sources, when Steinbrenner signed the contract, he was under the mistaken impression that he was actually signing an agreement to once again hire Billy Martin to manage the Yankees.

Members of the Red Sox group have not yet officially announced what they’ll be naming the Stadium this season, but they are mulling over several ideas.

“We’ll probably go with something that reflects the names of the biggest investors,” said Henry, “which would be Ben Affleck, myself, Conan O’Brien, Denis Leary and Eliza Dukshu. So we’ll probably call it Affleck-Henry-O’Brien-Leary-Eliza Stadium, or A.H.O.L.E. Stadium.”

According to Affleck, the group is also considering reselling the naming rights to other groups. “One possibility is the next “Jackass” movie,” he said. “Jackass Stadium has a nice ring to it. And if Tidy Bowl bids enough, we could always call it the Toilet Bowl.”

Group member and author Stephen King is in favor of a different name. “I’m an expert on horror stories, and nothing was as horrifying for Yankee fans as their huge choke in the 2004 playoffs, the biggest choke in the history of the game,” he pointed out. “I think we should honor that by calling it Choker Stadium.”

Leary was in favor of a compromise, suggesting the name A.H.O.L.E.-Jackass-Toilet Bowl-Choker Field at-That-D-Bag-A-Rod Sucks-and-Jeter-Swallows-Stadium. “That gets the point across, and will keep us from any trouble with truth-in-advertising laws,” he said.

(Clearly, this isn’t true. But imagine if it was! April Fools!)

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2 comments for “Red Sox Nation Buys Naming Rights to New Yankee Stadium”

  1. I am a devout and die hard redsox fan, but this article really summarizes the redsox. We are immature, and always hide the facts. Who won the world series last year? Who is in the lead of the AL East by 7 games. The Yankees, who are a much better team than the Bosox. Instead of posting immature and false articles, we, the people of Boston, should come together and encourage our team to win for once this year. That would give us a reason to make fun of the Yankees.

    I only speak the truth.

    Posted by John McCullen | September 1, 2010, 11:01 pm
  2. Good catch– this article from April 1st doesn’t even sound serious! Maybe the article should have had some sort of disclaimer at the end explaining that it wasn’t true, so that humor-impaired people wouldn’t be tricked by this article that appeared on April Fool’s Day. Oh wait it does have one.

    Maybe the Red Sox will “win for once this year” if only the people of Boston would “come together and encourage them”– maybe by buying every single ticket to every single game for years and years?

    The Yankee fans I know can take a joke, so I’m not really worried about their reactions.

    Posted by Buchholz Surfer | September 3, 2010, 7:31 pm

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