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That’s right, Drew Bledsoe, former Patriots quarterback and Tom Brady prototype, has his own wine. His vineyard, the Doubleback Winery, is located in Walla Walla Washington, and just finished aging his 2007 Cabernet Sauvignon, which Bledsoe was in town to hype. It’s not as cool a name as Skywalker Ranch or Goldeneye, but I suppose it’ll work.
Patriot Place hosted a private tasting; Tom Brady, Kevin Faulk, and Max Lane were among the former teammates that Bledsoe hoped to enamor with (not-so) cheap booze. The party then moved on to Marty’s Liquors in Newton, where we plebeians were able to bask in his glory.
We all know former players have plenty on their hands when they retire, but how many are expected to do things like put out wine? You’d expect them to become coaches, analysts, or at least do something with money; they do have a lot by the time they’re done. But still, Bledsoe’s new wine isn’t the strangest celebrity endorsed product; there are plenty of ones out there that just don’t make much sense. And to present them and take the heat off Bledsoe (467 career sacks, 206 interceptions, 52 lost fumbles out of 112, 77.1 quarterback rating), we have David Letterman’s non-existent twin brother to give us the Top 10 Strangest Celebrity Products:
|It didn’t used to be that strange, but David Ortiz lately has been colder than an Eskimo woman on singles’ night at the Igloo. Maybe he should drink his own product before games to get some pep back before his contract is bought out. Big Papi Hot Sauce, available at Stop & Shop and bigpapienfuego.com.|
|Sanrio‘s favorite cartoon feline Hello Kitty (whose last name is White, by the way) is well-known for slapping her cute face on just about everything. So statistically, some of the products have to be quite odd. Such a beloved children’s character peddling her own brand of booze? Why not? Hello Kitty wine is available at winelab.net, among other markets.|
|Isn’t this the guy we now associate with salad dressing and pasta stuff? What’s he doing branching out into the pet realm? Well, he does have a food factory, so I suppose it’s not too much of a stretch. And when you’re organic, I suppose you’d do something like this. It’s just surprising to see a celebrity care. Paul Newman dog food is available at select pet stores everywhere.|
|Have bad teeth? Want to turn you ugly cavities into cute plugs? Then you can get your mouth fixed with a Hello Kitty cap. Definitely not something you’d expect to see from the cat, especially when this product probably wouldn’t be seen too often. Hello Kitty tooth caps are available wherever and whenever you give a dentist money.|
|A lot of wines are being put out, and Manny Ramirez is jumping on the bandwagon. Or at least he did, back in 2007. With how Ramirez left the Red Sox, it might seem strange he has the time, and with his suspension last season, you would think he’d at least promote estrogen supplements. But at least the funds go to charity, as do the profits from other wines. Manny Being Merlot, ZinfandEllsbury, Josh Beckett’s Chardon-K, Schilling Schardonnay, Tim Wakefield’s CaberKnuckle, Vintage Papi (more Ortiz products), Jason “Mayor Menino says Adam” Varitek’s Captain’s Cabernet and SauvignYoouuk Blanc, among others, are available at eventwines.com.|
|Are you totally obsessed with Kitty-Chan? Or do you hate her and want to add insult to insult? Either way, you can be the proud owner of her toilet paper. Pay homage to Kitty-Chan, and teach your child toilet training all at the same time. And they come with various Kitty designs from all across time. Available on Japanese Web sites everywhere.|
|We have to give a shout-out to the WWE Champ, who is from just down the road in West Newbury, MA. But the thing about this, and other similar products? Wrestlers usually put out action figures, or at least trash cans like football teams. A pillow would seem a little soft and comforting for the rough world of sports entertainment, where the cushioning really isn’t that cushioning. The John Cena throw pillow is available at amazon.com, or if it’s sold out before you get there, try E-bay.|
|Seriously, how do you get a tool of war branded with Hello Kitty? It took a female Army veteran known as “Glambo” to pull this one off. For just $1072.95, you can purchase this fine piece, which makes “a perfect gift for the young lady of the house.” And for $100 extra, Glambo will autograph the hand-guard via wood-burning. Now available from glamguns.com.|
|I am here to save your soul, but only if you appease my rampant greed. Who can forget the Pope’s memorable visit to the U.S. in 2008? Now you can be sure to remember it with such merchandise as DVDs of his visit to Yankee Stadium, Dunwoodie Seminary, and St. Patrick’s Cathedral, and a coffee table book detailing his trip. If it weren’t for George Bush telling him, “Thank you, Your Holiness, awesome speech,” I would vote Kramer’s coffee table book about coffee tables as the better read. Now available at popevisit2008.com.|
|Are you lonely? Are you a Republican who speaks out against homosexuality and then visits a lesbian themed bondage club? Then you’ll love Hello Kitty love hotels. Love hotels feature rooms for rent by the hour for any romantic trysts (don’t ask don’t tell), and they all have themes for the rooms. If you’re into Hello Kitty, and I mean REALLY into her, then you can drop in for a visit. Featuring such perks beds with restraints, pianos, karaoke machines, shower decals, and vibrators, all with Hello Kitty pictured all over them, you can easily have a time you won’t forget. Seriously, you won’t forget it. Try. Available throughout Japan.|