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In case you missed it last week, Red Sox pitcher Manny Delcarmen pinch-hit for The Boston Globe’s Meredith Goldstein, offering love advice to readers in promotion the upcoming Love Letters/Extra Bases party.
It has been my experience that these crossover promotions usually result in disaster. The fish-out-of-water scenario is intended for comedic effect, but the fish, Delcarmen in this case, is usually the butt of the joke. He may be able to consistently reach the high 90’s on the radar gun, though it is doubtful he is as effective at delivering relationship advice.
The first question comes from Weight a Minute in Andover, who is concerned about his wife’s post-marriage weight gain. The short of it is that she used to be a gym rat, she looked like an aerobics instructor, and in his words, “we got along great and everything in our life was great.” So much for beauty being on the inside. It is a relatively shallow question, but a valid one, as I know many guys who secretly think this way or share the same fears.
Delcarmen may find success in politics after his baseball career ends. He gives the safest answer possible, explaining that he can relate due to his own wife having two children. “That’s a tough question…I know she’s trying to do everything, you know, to get to back to, you know, feel good about herself,” he said. Someone should have reminded him that the question wasn’t about his wife.
Delcarmen’s wife was aware of the segment, she would indeed be watching, and Manny wasn’t in the mood to spend the night on the couch. Well played.
Vampire’s Bride submits that her husband stays up most of the night and sleeps away the day, barely lifting a finger around the house. She has gone to graduate school and he picks up odd jobs landscaping or moving to earn a few bucks. She claims, “we used to have a blast together even if it was just dancing in our living room. We haven’t done that in years now.” Did I mention that he is only 26 and she 28? Yikes.
Delcarmen started to lose me when he compared himself to Jobless Vampire Man (plaudits to The Globe for the moniker). You see, Delcarmen is a millionaire who stays up all night because he’s not really required to punch in until around 9pm, if at all. Either way, JVM would have to landscape The Great Plains to earn a fraction of Delcarmen’s paycheck. As his answer continues, he starts to make more sense. He advises the distraught wife to simply sit down and talk with him, “because he’s probably going through a tough time in his life.” It may actually be a plausible theory as JVM does not seem particularly eager to meet each day. Maybe Delcarmen is a bit deeper than we thought.
Talk to your husband about why he is shutting off and sleeping his days away and you might be surprised at what you find.
Simple advice that goes straight to the root of the problem. Follow Delcarmen’s edict, and Vampire’s Bride will get an answer one way or another… if JVM ever wakes up.
Love Limbo writes to ask, “I know it’s so junior high, but I’m wondering, how do you know if he’s the one for me?” See, since he’s popped the question, LL is totally freaking out. To summarize, she is young and well-to-do, so is he, and she doesn’t want “him to go away forever.” Her question is well scripted and she seems smart and introspective. She also seems like she pores over every detail and suffers from paralysis by analysis.
Delcarmen throws up a safety net again, but his answer makes sense. Basically, when you know – you know, and if you don’t, then it’s time to “look deeper.” It is not groundbreaking, but maybe it’s just the reminder that Love Limbo needs to settle down. Delcarmen manages to crowbar in another placating nod to his missus, reminding us that he knew that she was The One when they met back at West Roxbury High School. Oh yes, she will be watching.
Stop thinking so much and follow your heart.
Simple advice that could be found on a number of greeting cards, but he’s right.
Somewhat surprisingly, Delcarmen is as pragmatic as a relationship counselor. He keeps it simple, makes sure to keeps his own wife happy, and in the process he gives sound guidance to our forlorn lovers.