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Celtics Sign Sasha Pavlovic to Apparently Second Season

Signing a one-year deal Monday, Sasha Pavlovic will be playing what's apparently his second year with the Celtics. (Photo by Keith Allison)

In a move sure to please anyone named Sasha Pavlovic, the Celtics re-signed Sasha Pavlovic to a one-year deal Monday. The move is undoubtedly a thing come true for Celtics fans, who best remember Pavlovic as the guy Ray Allen made cry during the 2008 NBA Finals.

Wait, that was Sasha Vujacic? Then who the hell did the Celtics sign?

For those unfamiliar with Pavlovic… join the club. The Celtics signed Pavlovic back in March after he finished his third 10-day contract of the 2010-11 season, this one with the Hornets. Apparently, no one wanted him for longer than that.

Pavlovic averaged 8.8 valueless minutes in 17 games for the Celtics, kicking in a completely forgettable 1.8 points and 0.9 rebounds. If math isn’t your thing, remember: that’s fewer than one basket and board per game.

An NBA player since 2003 – when he was somehow drafted 19th overall – Pavlovic has never won anything or been named anything important. When GMs talk about Pavlovic, they most commonly mention that he played on the 2006-07 Eastern Conference-champion Cleveland Cavaliers. Basically, the best thing about Pavlovic is LeBron James.

Pavlovic is so nondescript that he couldn’t even distinguish himself in the YUBA League, the not-so-uber-competitive professional basketball league of Bulgaria.

He did play for KK Budućnost Podgorica during their YUBA League-championship 2000-01 season, somehow averaging even fewer points than he averaged for the Celtics.

Apparently a small forward, Pavlovic is sixth on the depth chart behind Paul Pierce, Jeff Green, rookie JaJuan Johnson, Lucky the Leprachaun and David Cohen, Celtics Account Executive.

Still, Pavlovic’s signing is great for GM Danny Ainge. Instead of having to actually work towards improving the roster by signing a player with talent, Ainge can instead just offer a contract to Pavlovic, who would probably accept Upper Deck basketball cards with his name on them as payment.

With the pressure off, Ainge can redirect his focus to watching Kevin Garnett get hurt and trading away the Celtics’ only decent center in years.

Of course, Pavlovic brings with him fantastic intangibles. His body is tailor-made for the fold-down chairs he will spend most of his time sitting on, and the Celtics’ green uniforms really bring out his eyes. He also has no discernible interests, hobbies or political opinions, essentially guaranteeing he won’t generate any team-disrupting headlines (or headlines of any sort, for that matter) during the season.

Plus: this is his wife (on the right).

Additionally, there’s pretty much no chance Pavlovic can have a worse season for the Celtics than he did last season, unless of course he slips into a coma while watching other people play basketball. And even then, a comatose Pavlovic lying at center court would still probably play defense about as well. And hey, if someone trips over him, he might draw a charge!

The Celtics made a terrific PR decision when they re-signed Pavlovic. After all, he’s the not-as-talented, Serbian version of Brian Scalabrine, and Celtics fans loved Scal, right?

Pavlovic can start not doing anything meaningful for the Celtics on Christmas Day. If you don’t forget he’s on the team between now and then, don’t worry:

You’ll have plenty of time to forget he’s not on the team during the season.

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2 comments for “Celtics Sign Sasha Pavlovic to Apparently Second Season”

  1. Appreciative that SoB stays abreast of Celts’ minutiae, and appreciative of some of the snark. Not sure we needed 10+ paragraphs devoted to a one-note joke.

    Posted by Will | December 12, 2011, 7:59 pm
  2. When I pressed the “only decent center” link in this article, up popped Kendrick Perkins. Imagine my surprise! Perhaps Matt doesn’t have access to the incredible statistics he put together for Oklahoma City. Hey, Matt, check out Perk’s stats in last year’s playoffs, and have a good laugh at calling this guy a decent center. Oklahoma was so thrilled with his performance that they kept him on the bench at crunch time – exactly where he belonged. Check those stats for rebounds, blocked shots, points scored, and tell me he’s a decent center. Too bad they don’t keep stats for what he really excels at – bad passes, moving picks and the inability to go up for a dunk before putting the ball on the floor where it can be stolen. Why this man continues to be praised for his abilities is totally beyond me.

    Posted by Ken | December 13, 2011, 11:31 am

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