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After watching the Boston Celtics struggle through the initial part of the 2012-13 NBA season, I made the executive decision that doing a full NBA Power Rankings was too depressing. Why do I want to put myself in the position of constantly ranking the Celtics tenth or lower? Let’s just stick to the Eastern Conference, where I only have to worry about them being
thi rd fourth fifth at worst.
And while we’re at it, let’s combine that change with the greatest gimmick in the blogosphere: a Thanksgiving edition to coincide with the current holiday! That’s right, we’re giving thanks for all the things we appreciate about the Eastern Conference an eighth of the way through the season. Be sure to share what you’re thankful for in the comments section below.
Without further ado, your SoB Power Rankings from the Beasts to the Leasts of the East:
1. New York Knicks (8-3): If I had only known J.R. Smith had sworn off NYC’s party scene, I would have put the Knicks up here in the first place. Thankfully Amar’e will come back and screw everything up for the Knicks.
2. Miami Heat (9-3): I really wish I could be more thankful of the Heat not being the best team in the East at present, but it rings hollow. Instead, I’m thankful Ray Allen is pretty much still a decoy with only a handful of shots per game for the Heat – same as he would have been in Boston, but for half the money.
3. Milwaukee Bucks (6-4): The Bucks have split their two games with Boston, and just took the Heat to overtime. Is this real life? I’m going to give thanks that this is (probably) not real life.
4. Atlanta Hawks (7-4): Four straight wins against crappy teams (Sacramento, Orlando, Washington, Charlotte), and I’m still thankful this Atlanta team seems poised for another first round playoff exit.
5. Boston Celtics (7-6): If only Rajon Rondo’s double digit assists streak (up to 36 games now, one shy of tying John Stockton for second place all-time) was correlated in any way to team wins… I guess I’m just thankful the C’s are over .500 at this point?
6. Brooklyn Nets (7-4): Let’s all give thanks that the Nets could barely beat Boston without Rondo, and that Joe Johnson is supposed to make them a contender.
7. Chicago Bulls (5-6): Thank you, Carlos Boozer, for being all but worthless in carrying the Bulls during DRose’s absence.
8. Philadelphia 76ers (7-5): Thank you, Andrew Bynum, for doing your best Big Lebowski impression.
9. Indiana Pacers (6-8): Thank you, Larry Bird, for jumping ship at just the right time, and thanks to the rest of the Indiana organization for depending on Danny Granger to lead your offense.
10. Charlotte Bobcats (6-5): Um, thanks for giving Michael Jordan a distraction from gambling?
11. Orlando Magic (5-7): With no reason to care about the actual Orlando roster, I am thankful for Orlando providing the entertaining melodrama out of LA. This could change quickly to hatred if they ever figure things out in LakerLand.
12. Cleveland Cavaliers (3-9): Poor Cleveland. While I can’t imagine they give much thanks in the realm of sports (the Browns, the Decision, Kyrie Irving missing a month with a broken finger), at least they give me some much needed perspective when it comes to my own sports suffering.
13. Detroit Pistons (3-10): The Pistons beat the Celtics by 20. I knew I should have voted for Mitt Romney.
14. Toronto Raptors (3-10): At least there’s someone in the Atlantic Division the Celtics can thankfully beat up on.
15. Washington Wizards (0-10): A winless team in your conference (that isn’t your own, of course), is always a reason to give thanks.